At RARE we practice States of Awareness Training and Transformational Connection every single day. States of Awareness Training is similar to meditation and Transformational Connection includes meditating on each other and on the connection between us. We also practice these fun, joyful Authentic Relating Games, which can become exceedingly playful or deep. Engaging in these activities gives us chances to be asked about ourselves over and over again in different ways, providing us with rich opportunities to connect deeply with who we really are and to practice revealing parts of ourselves to another. We are coaxed out, seen and understood, supported, validated! We learn to draw the other out using the new skills we acquire. We learn to create human connection of varying depth and flavor. The healing and security that comes from experiencing deep, attuned connection regularly, and experiencing our power to reliably recreate it in our lives, is indescribable.

As a disciplined mental health therapist practicing for many years, I have seen that what Alfred Adler said about people is true: ALL HUMAN PROBLEMS ARE INTERPERSONAL IN NATURE. When we peel back the layers, we see that it is INJURIES TO CONNECTION, a.k.a. ATTACHMENT INJURIES, that are at the heart of the emotional and behavioral symptoms individuals suffer. (Note that even when a trauma does not appear attachment based—if, for example, there was a tornado in a child’s neighborhood which killed the child’s friend—with attuned attachment children bounce back from these traumas, whereas children without close and supportive attachments develop lasting mental health symptoms. Similarly, studies show that soldiers who go to war and come home—it is the ones with histories of attachment injuries who develop PTSD, whereas a soldier with enough internalized support will not.) Programs like RARE, which focus on creating deep attunement and connection and teaching clients to create it at home, have the power to transform lives.

There are many other elements to the program related to healing attachment injuries. Some attachment injuries are caused by invasive or misguided attempts by others to get attachment from us or otherwise get their needs met at our expense. Some of us experienced being hurt by someone who tried to connect with us while coming from an insecure or desperate place in themselves. They may have resorted to control, manipulation, exploitation, or lashing out as ways to attempt to meet their needs. At RARE we learn to set boundaries. We internalize that we are entitled to use all our power to protect ourselves! We experience great safety in learning that we don’t have to give ourselves up in order to get love and connection. Even though doing so may have been a way to survive our childhoods.

Self acceptance and internal support are key elements. We don’t do change work unless we are totally on our own sides and feeling accepting of who and where we currently are.

At RARE, we also practice Redecision Therapy. This involves Gestalt Therapy experiments which bring us to an internal point deep inside, where we have the power to transform something about ourselves in a moment, with the support of the group.

To do these things, we get into pods of 8 companions and practice together for 3 hours a week, usually for about 14 weeks. We also practice at home during the program. Then we take a break from training in order to integrate and celebrate the attainments and changes we have made and to test drive them in our lives.